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Thursday, April 24, 2008

I've Never Been Able To Decide If I'd Bang That Guy From 3 Doors Down Or Not

Hmmm. Maybe if he was paying. He's a bit frying-pan-upside-the-head...but in a kinda hot way. Well, we'll get back to him in a bit.

This week sees another in the annoyingly long line of low-brow, Bush-era one-hit novelty Hip hop songs land atop the Billboard Hot 100 chart, this time in the form of Lil Wayne and Static Major's "Lollipop." Tell you what, Lil Wayne -- you enjoy your few weeks stay at #1 while Terror Squad, Three 6 Mafia, Soulja Boy and Flo Rida get your paperwork ready at the unemployment office. Sisqo will be out with your coffee and danish in a moment, player. NEXT!

Then there's that little ho Miley Cyrus...and, what kills me is the news this week that she's penning her memoirs. HER MEMOIRS! Picture it: "Back in my day, when gasoline was only $2.98 a gallon, I'd put on my iPod and listen to oldies like 'Toxic' and 'Hey Ya' when the terror threat was raised to orange, just to escape. I even found myself talking to much older men on Friendster. And that's how I started wearing the blonde wig. Ah, the good old days..."

So anyway, Miley's "See You Again" finally cracks the Top 10 this week (at #10). Still a good jam, that one.

Two other singles making a bum-rush for the Top 10 are Danity Kane's "Damaged," up six positions to #14, and Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful Of Sunshine," up nine to #16.

This brings us to Mariah Carey, who not only has the Hot 100's Hot Shot Debut with "Bye Bye," at #23, but also sees "Migrate" enter at #92 and E=MC² top the album chart with the highest first-week sales of the year so far (463,000). As it should, the way she's been peddling her p**** to every TV show in sight! If you ask me, album sales aren't down these days because of illegal file-sharing...it's because pop stars have gotten lazy! Look at Mimi -- she's a workhorse! You can't expect us to buy your shit if you're not gonna promote it! Get on that soundstage and dance, Kylie!

So back to 3 Doors Down. To me, they've always been one of these corporate rock bands that produce emotionless, radio-friendly noise that says nothing to me about my life. And lead singer Brad Arnold always struck me as mildly cute, but in that drunken, one-night-stand sort of way. (Though here he just looks like Truman Capote.)

Now, maybe I'm getting more susceptible to such garbage, but I heard their latest single, "It's Not My Time," on the radio about a month ago, and found myself liking it instantly. I even downloaded it off iTunes. Should I be ashamed? Most likely.

Either way, "It's Not My Time" is up from #61 to #48 this week, so maybe there are others with the same problem out there, too.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne Feat. Static Major *1 week*
2. "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis *airplay gainer*
3. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks Duet With Chris Brown *sales gainer*
4. "Love In This Club" - Usher Feat. Young Jeezy
5. "Touch My Body" - Mariah Carey
6. "4 Minutes" - Madonna Feat. Justin Timberlake
7. "Sexy Can I" - Ray J & Young Berg
8. "Love Song" - Sara Bareilles
9. "With You" - Chris Brown
10. "See You Again" - Miley Cyrus