Here's Kylie Minogue's "All The Lovers" Video

Kylie Minogue's "All The Lovers" music video, shot in downtown L.A., is pretty much more of the same we saw from the sneak preview early last week. Still, lots of nice T & A shots of both men and women. And a horse. And a dove. (Yeah—the dove has a nice rack.)



I was expecting maybe just a tad more from the video's director, Joseph Kahn (who did Britney Spears' "Stronger," "Toxic" and "Womanizer" vids, as well as the upcoming one for Katy Perry's "California Gurls"). But it's a global recession, and record labels aren't shelling out the big bucks like they used to. Still, it's okay. Reminds me a bit of the one for Take That's "Greatest Day."

Super excited for this album! "All The Lovers" hits iTunes in two weeks.

Solo

There are two songs with the word solo in the title in the UK Top 10 this week. (Which is my way of saying it's all shit.)

Happy Sunday!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Dirtee Disco" - Dizzee Rascal *new* *1 week*
2. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
3. "Solo" - Iyaz *new*
4. "Ridin' Solo" - Jason Derulo
5. "Not Afraid" - Eminem *new*
6. "We Dance On" - N-Dubz feat. Bodyrox *new*
7. "Stereo Love" - Edward Maya feat. Vika Jigulina
8. "Candy" - Aggro Santos feat. Kimberly Wyatt
9. "Good Times" - Roll Deep
10. "Eenie Meenie" - Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber

Josh Dubovie: That Didn't Sound Good To Eurovision—But Lena Sure Did

Be thankful you're not 19-year-old Brit Josh Dubovie. The poor lad, chosen to rep the UK in Oslo at this year's Eurovision Song Contest, finished last place (out of 25 competitors) Saturday night.



It probably didn't help Josh's chances that Pete Waterman, who co-penned/produced Dubovie's tune "That Sounds Good To Me" with Mike Stock and Steve Crosby, underscored the writing that had already been clearly written on the wall to Metro yesterday:

"We'll have a good time. We'll all come out of it learning something. And there is always an outside chance that something bizarre might happen and we might win Eurovision. Highly unlikely, but there you go. It might happen."

Alas, it didn't happen. Here's Lena from Germany, who did win with "Satellite":



Guess the one consolation Josh Dubovie can take is that "That Sounds Good To Me" finally managed to dent the Top 200 songs on iTunes. It's climbed to...#188.

Happy Birthday, Kylie!

Happy (slightly belated) Birthday to Kylie Minogue, who turned 42 yesterday! As I posted on Facebook Tuesday, I got to tick off an item on life's to-do list by interviewing Kylie this week. Details coming shortly!

The Greatest Music Video Ever: Countess LuAnn, "Money Can't Buy You Class"

Kylie? No. Miley? Next. Christina? Over.

No, pop chyldren, the greatest three minutes of your life you'll ever spend is watching the brand new music video for warbling Real Housewives transvestite Countess LuAnn de Lesseps' "Money Can't Buy You Class."

Pop's Real Aphrodite has descended from the heavens above to bless the start of the holiday weekend for us all.  Thank you, Countess.



Earlier this month I reviewed this jam for the Pop Trash Addicts Pop Panel:

"I'm glad this old cougar decided to shell out $23 to pay for a high-quality dance jam that sounds straight out of 1990. Paris is burning, bitchface! I'm subtracting two points for Auto Tune, because any thin-voiced diva worth her salt would have just braved it without the studio trickery back in the happy house days. But then I'm adding two points back because LuAnn de Lesseps is a complete gold-plated whore. Money really can't buy you class. Case in point: The Countess."

I then gave it a rating of 5 out of 5. Sadly, the Countess did not win that edition of the Pop Panel. But, hey—look at the shit Jesus had to go through before he became sexy, right?

So, About That Josh Dubovie Eurovision Song...

In case you missed (or completely avoided) it, Josh Dubovie's "That Sounds Good To Me" EP was added to iTunes worldwide this week. The four-track package includes the regular version, the "Thin Red Men Radio Edit," "Thin Red Men Club Mix" and an instrumental.

Anyway, the EP is currently at the soaring heights of #185 on the UK iTunes store's album chart, and the Mike Stock/Pete Waterman-produced song is absent entirely from the singles tally. Triumph!

Granted, 19-year-old Josh has yet to perform in Oslo at Eurovision—that comes tomorrow night. And at least he's got a good sense of humor about the whole thing...

When asked recently whether he's made any plans for after the song contest, now that last year's UK representative, Jade Ewen, has landed a place on the Sugababes' stripper pole, he rattled off this:

"Well, I think I'm probably not best suited to being in the Sugababes. They get through members at an alarming rate, though, so it's bound to be my turn soon!"

Miley Lands Fifth Top 10 Hit, Christina Aguilera's "You Lost Me" Should Be A Single

Looking over the Top 10 of Billboard's Hot 100 this week, it suddenly feels like it's 1999 all over again, when bubblegum acts ruled the land. Miley Cyrus debuts at #8 with "Can't Be Tamed," joining fellow pop tarts Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha and Rihanna. Even the Usher and Taio Cruz's jams have an "up" dance beat. And is it just me, or does Eminem's "Not Afraid" have the most boy band-sounding chorus out there right now?

Yes, all is right in the world, and La Roux must be feeling the magnetic draw to join their fellow pop brethren in the Top 10. This week "Bulletproof" moves up five positions to #14.

That brings us to the latest Xtina Watch update, where Christina Aguilera's "Not Myself Tonight"—now in its sixth week on the chart—drops from #57 to #73. That said, her Nicki Minaj-featuring "WooHoo," which was made available with pre-orders of Bionic last week on iTunes, debuts at #79.

Personally, despite all the naysaying about poor ol' Xtina, I thought she did a great job performing the Sia co-penned "You Lost Me" on the American Idol finale last night (after the Idols did a medley of "Beautiful/Fighter"):



Sigh. If only Aguilera had shelved any notions of going the dirrty whore route out of the gate this time around, accepted that she's a balladeer and just released "You Lost Me" as her first single—we might actually see her listed below right now! (Are you paying attention, Mariah Carey?)

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am *3 weeks*
2. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
3. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg 
4. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
5. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
6. "Alejandro" - Lady Gaga
7. "Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha
8. "Can't Be Tamed" - Miley Cyrus *new*
9. "Not Afraid" - Eminem
10. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna

Lee DeWyze Wins 'American Idol,' World Braces Itself For Milquetoast Cover Of "Beautiful Day"

Last week I said my money was on 24-year-old Illinois paint clerk Lee DeWyze winning American Idol over Crystal Bowersox, and, well—no surprise—it's the third year in a row a guitar-strummin' white dude was crowned the king of this show. Good for Lee, though. He really does look like every frat guy I went to college with. And that gets me kind of hot.



No, I think the real shocker was the point where all the former Idol winners (minus David Cook) came out to sing "We Are One" to Simon Cowell (who's departing the series after nine seasons to head up the American version of The X Factor)—and we got a camera-adds-140-lbs. glimpse of Kelly Clarkson.



Much love for Kelly, but damn, girl—I honestly didn't recognize her at first.

Anyway, congrats, Lee. Can't wait till your your crappy cover of U2's "Beautiful Day" (already on iTunes!) charts at #17 and then never makes it onto your album this November.

Photos From WIll Young's L.A. Gig Last Night

Last night I hit up the Instinct party that Will Young performed at after he sang "Leave Right Now" live on American Idol. When I got there (it went down at Ultra Suede in West Hollywood), Will was outside, still in the suit he wore on Idol earlier.

Later he performed five songs—"Your Game," "Changes," "Who Am I," a cover of the Beatles' "Golden Slumbers" and "Leave Right Now." Obviously the club was a much smaller venue than Will is used to playing back home in the UK, but he was a great sport and he and the band gave a pretty amazing performance for his first L.A. gig.

Anyway, I took all these pics, and you can see even more in a gallery I posted this afternoon over at Idolator. Will Young's American-introductory Leave Right Now EP was added to iTunes this week.

Surprise! It's A Full Half-Minute Of Kylie Minogue's "All The Lovers" Video

Alright, alright. I lied. It's only 24 seconds of Kylie Minogue's "All The Lovers" video, filmed on the lovely (read: filthy, roach-infested) streets of downtown Los Angeles.

Hope Kylie kept the hand sanitizer close by.



[Via Pop Trash Addicts]

My Interview With Keane's Tom Chaplin

I recentely interviewed Tom Chaplin, lead singer of UK chart-topping band Keane (who just released the Night Train EP). The full piece was posted today over at Idolator.

Below is an excerpt:

Looking ahead a little bit, have you started thinking about album number four yet?
TC: Actually, we had a meeting today, and we sat down and we listened to the demos that we’ve got currently knocking around. We were talking about who we’d like to work with and how we’d like to go about doing it. So, yeah—that conversation has happened. We’re underway with that process. It’s kind of in the ether. [Laughs] But, practically speaking, it won’t be till October or November before we get in a studio. But, you know, I feel pretty excited. I think this EP has actually—it just seems like things are going well for us at the moment. It’s a nice feeling. The new demos and new songs sound really good, and I would imagine sometime next year we’ll have another record ready.

Ellie Goulding Should Have Been #1 In The UK Instead Of B.o.B

Wow. One of the most bland pop tunes of the year, B.o.B's "Nothin' On You," has managed to repeat its American success overseas by topping the UK chart this week. Meanwhile, classy trash like Ellie Goulding's "Guns And Horses" goes in at #26.



I'm completely stunned into boredom, otherwise I'd summon up the strength to rant on about why "Guns And Horses" totally deserves to match the success of Ellie's previous single, "Starry Eyed." I will say that I finally broke down and ordered her album from Amazon UK last weekend. Should be here tomorrow, along with a Rick Astley's remastered SAW albums. Hoo-razzle.

Anyway, be sure to check out the fourth installment of Pop Trash Addicts' Pop Panel, where we review "Guns And Horses" and another of this week's UK entries, "The Flood" by Katie Melua (#35).

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars *new* *1 week*
2. "Ridin' Solo" - Jason Derulo
3. "Good Times" - Roll Deep
4. "All Night Long" - Alexandra Burke feat. Pitbull
5. "Stereo Love" - Edward Maya feat. Vika Jigulina
6. "OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am
7. "Candy" - Aggro Santos feat. Kimberly Wyatt
8. "She Said" - Plan B
9. "She's Always A Woman" - Fyfe Dangerfield
10. "Leeds Leeds Leeds" - Leeds Marching Team *new*

It's Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" Video

If you thought the song was stunning, check out the Max Vitali-directed music video for Robyn's "Dancing On My Own."



Perfection (note that the video uses the "radio version" of the song). Bring on the All Hearts tour with Kelis!

Chart Rigger's Greatest Hits: The Bitchiest Reader Comments, Volume 2

Between the passion of the Glamazons and a few fiery diatribes that came in when I expressed my disinterest in the new Scissor Sisters video, I figured it was time again for another d'luvvly roundup of the bitchiest reader comments! Last year's compilation was such a classy hit, plus you've all bared your barbed tongues at some point or other over the past 12 months. And I really have to say, thanks for the laughs—you effing bitches.

*****

* Anonymous on Move Over, Rihanna—Adam Lambert's In The Lead For Most Boring Song Of The Year: "Die in a fire you insufferable prick."

* solray9 on Lady Gaga: 4, Madonna: 0: "[Lady Gaga] looks like my 88-year-old incapacitated grandmother before she died and after she'd lost most of her teeth."

* Joshua on Chart Rigger Turns Five!: "Yeah, with the amount of useless drivel you post on an almost daily basis, I, too, am bewildered, shocked & confused as to how this has been around longer than my oral herpes!"

* Jacob on Scissor Sisters' "Fire With Fire" Video Is Boring: "I'm willing to bet that the only instrument you play is your damned computer keyboard...making you, really, one of the least credible people on the subject of 'music'. This song is, in fact, worth more than your entire blog."

* Summer Glau (in response to Jacob) on Scissor Sisters' "Fire With Fire" Video Is Boring: "Dude. Reread what you've written after writing it. It kind of undermines your point about cynical journalists if you can't write as well as them."

* Mr. Will-W on Michael Jackson's New Song "This Is It": "Three thumbs down. Including the one between my legs."

* Moogaboo on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "When Coke goes down the tubes and Disneyland closes, I probably won't cry then, either."

* XOLondon on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "Call me when Joanne, or whatever the fuck her name is, sells 50 million records and wins ten Grammys and we'll talk about her being better than Xtuna. Gaga is a tabula rasa, pure and simple. And if you have to ask what that means, look it up children..."

* ShaNayNay LaChild on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "XO London - you sound like a condescending SNATCH. I'm in love."

* Me No Bubblicious on Robbie Williams' "Bodies" Is DOA: "This song made me reenact the 'Rock DJ' video! Sigh, the sweet, Robbie-Williams-free silence of flesh-ripping death. #1!!!"

* Take A Bow on Madonna: Truth In Advertising: "The prophecy has been fulfilled!! The prophecy, that is, of the thin-voiced humorless piece of gristle continuing to suck disposable income away from her army of queens who desperately want to proclaim anything she does as revolutionary and amazing. Because if they'd stop staring at the bony vampyre trotting out the 3000th remix of her 'greatest' 'hits', they'd have to look at themselves: aging, aging, aging in a world that has moved way beyond a time in which 'Into The Groove' meant something. Look at yourselves, Madge fans, and WEEP!"

* IamMesmerized on Clay Aiken Looks Like Annie Lennox In The "Love Is A Stranger" Video On His New Album Cover: "You are all pathetic! If you heard Clay sing those songs in concert in Raleigh, you'd be heaping praise upon him instead of making such asinine comparisons... He's back and he's great!"

* JohnnyD on Somebody Please Put A Hit Out On Jedward And Bring Shayne Ward Back: "Lets get real folks. If there is no impending Shayne Ward sex tape, he may as well start auditioning for jobs in mid price shoe shops."

* Jump! on Lady GaGa Renders Christina Aguilera Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!): "Madonna is a nasty vinegar and floral smelling douche rag desperately trying to stay relevant. We should continue to hate on her until her next album. Or, until she is eaten by hyenas on an African safari. Whichever happens first."

* Anonymous (in response to a comment by Fritz Liess) on Adam Lambert's UK 'For Your Entertainment' Album Cover": "'Fritz Liess' (more like "Fritz LIES") is incorrect, and this is a popular misconception. And it's tiring, really... Seriously, the haters need to shut the fuck up and stop hating."

* Fritz Liess (in response to Anonymous) on Adam Lambert's UK 'For Your Entertainment' Album Cover": "Anonymous is a douchbag."

* Shaun on Justin Bieber's Hair Makes Me Want To Go Into The Woods And Start Shooting Things: "Who the f$#@ is this Bieber kid? It's like the black hole of teendom just vomits up a new one every month, each less appealing and less charismatic than the one before...pretty sad when you long for the days of Hanson!"

* The Haunted Thong on All Adam Lambert's Album Cover Is Missing Is Pink Glitter And A Rainbow Brite Doll: "Oh Flamebert—fame ain't easy!"

* Microwaved Corpse on Madonna's New Single Is A Hit Somewhere!: "Speaking of The Creature, everyone knows that the Dance/Club Play charts are written in glowstick on an OD'd twink's ass. And that, my dearz, doesn't translate into true 'hit.' Just ask Kristine W! You can find her pulling a double-shift at your local carwash."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "you brits perhaps should check out the rest of the worlds' opinion of Adam Lambert .... and maybe you are just not musicaly educated as you should be to be forming opinions."

* Mike on You Could Do Worse Than Buying Kelly Rowland's New Single "Commander": "Great song but the bitch is still no Beyonce!"

* Jamie (in reponse to Mike) on You Could Do Worse Than Buying Kelly Rowland's New Single "Commander": "Mike, grow up please. Who said Kelly's trying to be Beyonce? Oh, and Kelly's no bitch. You came out of a bitch!"

* Christophe B on Madonna: Truth In Advertising: "I like your blog but the systematic slagging of the last real big pop star survivor since the 80s ...is getting tiring and more importantly false and self US - centered !!... You should try to get your fact rights, or start calling your BLOG MADONNA HATERS or The master of the world in the US..."

* Stephanie on Like We're Dying: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2009: "Where the hell is that piece of tripe Tik Tok? Somebody needs to tell Ke$ha or whatever the hell her name is that she's needed back at the brothel and should never sing again. Ever."

* Poster Girl on Lady Gaga: The Only Classy Thing At The Televised Abortion That Is The MTV VMAs: "I recorded the VMAs last night and went to watch it this morning. My DVR shut itself down thirty seconds in. I took that as a sign."

* Keith a.k.a. KjAM on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "I'm sorry, but this whole saga is so predictable and can easily be compared to Diana vs. Mother Theresa. Only this time it's Michael vs. Farrah. I predict the fallout, the funeral, the lawsuits over the children which is easily tied to whatever his monetary value is worth, the endless books by self promoting skanks, the continuous speculation about his death, who was feeding him all the prescription pills and quite possibly another We Are the World pt. 2 by the end of the year... In short, had he been anyone else without the talent and the money, he would've been just another child molester rotting in jail and nobody would give a flying fuck."

* Paul on Lady Gaga's New Single "Bad Romance" Blows Britney Spears' "3" Out Of The Water: "Well she's really outdone herself with coming back with a song that sounds exactly like all her other songs. Bravo. Slow clap."

* Anonymous on Move Over, Rihanna—Adam Lambert's In The Lead For Most Boring Song Of The Year: "Must be so tiring for you to remain so tragically hip all the time."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "Never heard of the 'Chart Rigger.' Adam's music is climbing all over the world and no flop is predicted in UK. When his single reaches the top 10 there, I'll come back to this site to remind you (if I can remember the name of this site, that is)."

* PaulB on Lady Gaga: 4, Madonna: 0: "Have to say Robbie; I'm also tiring of your incessant attacks on Madonna. I do find your writing witty and amusing, but I wonder if there is some reason for your constant attacks on Madge - Did she run over your foot or something at a signing?"

* Anonymous on Michael Jackson's New Song "This Is It": "Why does every media-scrounging pop-music-whore have to act like Jacko's death was some kind of belated carreer move that unfortunately necessitated the cancelation of his upcoming tour, but still brought him back into the charts and bought him lots of new fans? Wtf is wrong with people!! It's like his death is just a new stage in his carreer, like Madonna's vampirification- releasing DVDs, singles... what's next guys, a coffin clothing line? Whatever."

* Rob on Harp-Playing Slut Joanna Newsom Trashes Lady Gaga, Calls Madonna "A Dumb-Ass": "This article reads: bitchy bitchy bitchy rehash. I pick Newsom."

* Annie on R.I.P. Michael Jackson: "Just for the record: I am not okay, and, apparently, neither is Jacko."

* Anonymous on Sophie Ellis-Bextor And Adam Lambert Are Flop City In The UK: "Some idiot from LA blogs about what's happening in the UK? stick with what you know."

* Anonymous on Jack Johnson Makes Me Want To Kill Myself: "What a crappy blog, I hope to never end up here again."

Robyn Touring With Kelis, Gives Sneak Peak Of The "Dancing On My Own" Video

It's a great week to be a Robyn fan. The Body Talk singer's "Dancing On My Own" video premieres tomorrow, but first she offered up this behind-the-scenes clip (note that there's a radio mix being used for the video):



Even hotter—Robyn is hitting the road with Kelis, on the All Hearts Tour! Suddenly that Rihanna/Ke$ha tour this summer doesn't seem so amazing.

By the way, here's the final version of the Body Talk Pt. 1 album cover:

Goldfrapp's "Alive" Video

Know what's hotter than Goldfrapp releasing "Alive" as the second single off Head First? That's right—the music video. And, really, who doesn't love a pack of vampire lesbians killing men on a pentagram, anyway?



Classy! I'll admit, I burned out a bit from playing Head First about 7,000 times in March, so I've taken a bit of a break from it. This video, though, already has me digging that set of jams out. (Check the "Alive" single cover out here.)

I just bought my tickets to go see the 'frapp at the Hollywood Bowl next month. They're also doing shows in Washington D.C., Oakland, CA and New York City before heading to Mexico City.

Will Young Performing In Los Angeles For Free This Tuesday After 'American Idol'

Instinct magazine snagged their current cover guy Will Young to perform at their American Idol finale viewing party this coming Tuesday (May 25), at Ultra Suede in West Hollywood. Will is belting his ballad "Leave Right Now" out live on Idol Tuesday night, then heading over to the mag's party for a gig.

And guess what, cheap bastards? It's a free show. All you have to do is go over and register at Instinct's official site to attend.

Lady Gaga Lands Seventh Top 10 Single With "Alejandro," Katy Perry Debuts At #2

After debuting at #1 last week with his self-help tearjerker "Not Afraid," Eminem drops to #6, and Usher's "OMG"—a jam novelist Jackie Collins likes to get her freak on to—returns to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 for a second week.

And so Katy Perry's Max Martin/Dr. Luke-produced "California Gurls" debuts at #2. Given that Snoop Dogg raps on the track, this gives every single in the Top 5 the distinction of having a "featuring" credit. Yee-hawzoo.

You know, I kind of liked "California Gurls" the first couple times I heard it. But after tossing it on a hiking playlist two weeks back, it kind of makes me want to feed my iPod to a rattlesnake every time it comes on now. Plus, there are posters up all over L.A. for that damn Russell Brand movie, Get Me To The Greek. Katy Perry certainly has, shall we say, fucked taste in men.

Moving on, after seven weeks on the chart, Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" jumps up to #8, becoming her seventh straight Top 10 hit after "Just Dance" (#1), "Poker Face" (#1), "LoveGame" (#5), "Paparazzi" (#6), "Bad Romance" (#2) and "Telephone" (#3). Here's a still that surfaced this week from Gaga's "Alejandro" video shoot:

La Roux also manage to edge "Bulletproof" into the Top 20 this week, as the single moves up four positions to #19. Suddenly that April Fool's Day joke I pulled has come true!

And that brings us to "Not Myself Tonight" Watch. In its fifth week on the chart, Christina Aguilera's single has dropped from #47 to #57. Better luck with "Woo Hoo," girl. At least that one's climbing up the iTunes chart (it's currently at #26) after being made available this week with pre-orders for Bionic.

Over on the Top 200 Albums chart, Keane's Night Train EP, which is currently #1 in the UK, debuts at #25.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am *2 weeks*
2. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg *new*
3. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
4. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
5. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
6. "Not Afraid" - Eminem
7. "Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha
8. "Alejandro" - Lady Gaga
9. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
10. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train

So, About Crystal Bowersox And Lee DeWyze Making It To The 'American Idol' Finale...

First of all, I called this shit about a month-and-a-half ago—not that it was hard to do during such a lackluster season. My money is on Lee DeWyze winning next week (i.e. the third year in a row a white dude with a guitar will be crowned the American Idol). That said, hopefully he does better than Kris Allen in the long run.

The real shocker was finding out that virtual unknown Travis Garland would be performing on tonight's episode. You may recall him from being a member of boy band NLT (along with Kevin McHale, who now plays wheelchair-bound Artie on Glee), who I blogged about back in 2007.

Below is Travis performing "Believe" on Idol. And tell me—who do you broads think is going to win Idol?

You Could Do Worse Than Buying Kelly Rowland's New Single "Commander"

Kelly Rowland's upcoming third solo album, due out in September, is shaping up to be pretty d'luvvy. The lead single, "Commander," hits iTunes tomorrow. And, look—she had a rough year in 2009, so let's make this one a hit! She deserves it.

Also, two weeks back I posted that snippet of new Kelly jam "The Sound" (now titled "On & On"). Here's the full thing:

Scissor Sisters' "Fire With Fire" Video Is Boring

Here's the music video for Scissor Sisters' new single "Fire With Fire." Like the song itself, it's doing nothing for me. Am I completely missing something with this tune, or is it just not that great?



Praying there are better tunes on Night Work.

Keane Have A Total Eclipse Of The Chart While Adam Lambert's UK Prospects Look Up Slightly

This week's big UK chart achievement comes from Keane, who debut at #1 on the album roundup with new EP Night Train. It's their fourth release, and fourth to top the album chart there. Time will tell how Night Train does here in the States, though it's been hovering in the Top 10 on iTunes all week. Over on the UK singles chart, the trio's "Stop For A Minute" debuts at #40.

Meanwhile, the Glee cast's "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" goes in at #9 and becomes the third version of the song to chart in the UK Top 10, after the versions by Bonnie Tyler (#1 in 1983) and Nicki French (#5 in 1995). Jan Wayne's rendition made it to a less-stellar #28 in 2003. The Glee version of "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" landed at #16 on the U.S. chart this week.

This brings us to Christina Aguilera, whose troubled single "Not Myself Tonight" manages to debut at #12. The song really does appear to be DOA across the board (it even failed to go Top 10 in Japan!), and the label needs to rush out the inevitable second-single ballad save ASAP at this point.

Meanwhile, after Adam Lambert's single "For Your Entertainment" debuted at a lowly #39 two weeks ago, the Dr. Luke-produced jam has now managed to inch up to #37. Chalk it up to his appearane on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross a week ago?



The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Good Times" - Roll Deep *3 weeks*
2. "Ridin' Solo" - Jason Derulo
3. "OMG" - Usher feat. Will.i.am
4. "Stereo Love" - Edward Maya feat. Vika Jigulina *new*
5. "Candy" - Aggro Santos feat. Kimberly Wyatt
6. "She Said" - Plan B
7. "She's Always A Woman" - Fyfe Dangerfield
8. "All Night Long" - Alexandra Burke feat. Pitbull
9. "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" - Glee Cast *new*
10. "Acapella" - Kelis

Greyson Chance Allegedly Signs With Interscope, 7-Year-Old Single Ladies Still Need A Pole

If you were living under a rock this week, you might have missed these little broads (supposedly ages 7, 8 and 9) gyrating to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" at a World Of Dance competition.



The other viral jam this week was sixth grader Greyson Michael Chance, who covered Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" at a school talent gig, and then was invited on to The Ellen DeGeneres Show, where Gaga phoned in and gave the kid some advice:



The kicker: Crazed Hits is now reporting that Chance, who's 12, has been signed to a label deal by Interscope: "Our sources tell us that Interscope closed the deal before any other label could even step in and meet the kid."

Hot. It really is a YouTube world we're living in.

And as for those little girls bending over to Beyonce on stage? They've at least probably got a pole at Jumbo's Clown Room reserved for them...

A Second Single Is On The Way From Alex Gardner

Alex Gardner's debut single "I'm Not Mad" landed at a disappointing #44 on the UK chart last month, but thankfully he hasn't been sent out to pasture just yet.

"The second single will be out at the back end of summer," Alex told the Rugby Rocks site in an interview published on Friday. "It’s got to be perfect or it will haunt me for the rest of my life!"

Did he say back end? Anyway, by "it will haunt me for the rest of my life," Gardner probably means that he'll never see an album release if the single doesn't do well—i.e. the sad state fellow Xenomania project Mini Viva are no doubt going to find themselves in now that their own third single "One Touch" isn't likely to dent the UK Top 75 this week.

Regardless, there doesn't seem to be any real rush to get an Alex Gardner album out. "It’s progressing very well," he told Rugby Rocks. "I’m never happy or satisfied though – I’m going back in six weeks (to work on it) when I’ve got the time."

In Case You Watched Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" Video And Thought, 'That Looks Familiar...'

Ke$ha, "Your Love Is My Drug" (watch here)

Lady Gaga, "Poker Face"

[Via Idolator]

Here's Kylie MInogue's "All The Lovers" And The 'Aphrodite' Tracklist

See—what did I tell you?



This is total "I Believe In You" dreamy electro-pop Kylie, via producers Jim Eliot and Stuart Price. And it's a proper first single that more than makes up for "2 Hearts" being the lead one off of X three years ago.

Can't wait to see the video. Below is the Aphrodite tracklist. Note that this is the second time Kylie's had a song called "Closer" (wonder if she remembers that?)—much like her two versions of "Love At First Sight."

1. All The Lovers
2. Get Outta My Way
3. Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love)
4. Closer
5. Everything Is Beautiful
6. Aphrodite
7. Illusion
8. Better Than Today
9. Too Much
10. Cupid Boy
11. Looking For An Angel
12. Can’t Beat The Feeling

Ke$ha's "Your Love Is My Drug" Video Arrives As She Has A Stunning Debut Within The Top 10

Yes, yes—Eminem's new single "Not Afraid" became the 16th single in the chart's history to enter the Billboard Hot 100 at #1 this week after selling 380,000 downloads. And, sure, Marshall Marshmallow is now only the second rapper ever (after Puff Daddy and his tearjerker "I'll Be Missing You" back in '97) to pull such a feat. But the real diva of the charts this week is soul goddess Ke$ha!

Lady Sebert's second collaboration with 3OH!3, the tender "My First Kiss," debuts at #9. Yes, Recording Academy—might as well start engraving her name on multiple Grammys! And with song lyrics like "Excuse me, Miss, but can I get you out your panties," surely we can all start believing in love again. (By the way, my first kiss was with a priest when I was 14, but that's another story...)



Ke$ha's miracle is quadrupled by the fact that "My First Kiss" goes in just behind her other Top 10 hit, "Your Love Is My Drug" (watch the video above!), which is at #8. Of course, the fact that it's been at that position for three weeks in a row might give you the impression that the song is stuck in a bit of a rut. But do you know what the number eight symbolizes? That's right, chyldren—Jesus.

Elsewhere, the cast of Glee managed to warble all the right notes to get "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" to debut at #16 this week. And you know what—eff that! They didn't even do the Nicki French version (i.e. the only version that matters).

To this I say it's time to expel this one-trick pony program from the airwaves until the producrs can come up with some worthy songs to butcher. Maybe an all 3OH!3 episode is in order?

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Not Afraid" - Eminem *1 week*
2. "OMG" - Usher feat. will.i.am
3. "Nothin' On You" - B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars
4. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
5. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
6. "Rude Boy" - Rihanna
7. "Hey, Soul Sister" - Train
8. "Your Love Is My Drug" - Ke$ha
9. "My First Kiss" - 3OH!3 feat. Ke$ha *new*
10. "Need You Now" - Lady Antebellum

Shakedown 1999: What Were *You* Doing That Year?

Today is my 11-anniversary of being in Los Angeles—my L.A.-versary, if you will. I realized this while driving past my old apartment on Melrose Avenue around noon today, and it got me thinking about those halcyon days as the '90s were about to come to an end. So I started compiling a mental list of what was going on, both in pop culture and in my personal life, in the last year of the millennium.

I posted it below, but tell me—what were you doing in 1999? Was it a good year or a bad one? (Or maybe a little bit of both?)

*********

* In May 1999, I packed up, left behind my illustrious career as assistant manager of a Blockbuster Video store in Butler, Pennsylvania, and drove to Los Angeles. I had no job lined up, but a month prior, I'd flown out and secured an apartment. The trip took four days. I got to L.A. on May 12.

* The #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100 the week of May 12, 1999 was Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca."

* The monthly rent on my two-bedroom apartment on Melrose Avenue in 1999 was $775. That included all utilities. You probably can't even rent a post office box for that cheap here now.

* The #1 movie at the box office the week of May  12, 1999: The Mummy.

* The first two purchases I made the day I got to L.A.: a bed and the soundtrack to my favorite TV show at the time, Felicity (which I bought at the now-shuttered Aron's Records on Highland Avenue).

* #1 on Billboard's Top 200 Albums chart the week of May 12, 1999:  TLC's FanMail.

* Two weeks later I was hired as a "delivery assistant" at fledgling film production company/overseas distributor Summit Entertainment, where I'd go on to work till September 2000. At the time they made low budget straight-to-video/DVD trash like Kill The Man, and distributed indie movies like Chuck And Buck. These days the company produces classy fare like The Hurt Locker and the Twilight movies.

* Two long-running TV series that ended in May 1999: Melrose Place and Mad About You.

* The first concert I saw in Los Angeles, on June 5, 1999: Saint Etienne at the House Of Blues.

 * Earlier that day, I took this photo of Sarah Cracknell and Pete Wiggs during a CD-signing session at the Virgin Megastore on Sunset Blvd.:

* Other concerts I saw in 1999: NSync (with B*witched as opening act), Backstreet Boys, Pet Shop Boys. Britney Spears played in L.A. that summer, with Steps as the opener, but tickets sold out before I could snag them.

* I had been in a relationship for three years prior to moving. Naturally, relocating nearly 3,000 miles away was the beginning of the end of that.

* In 1999, Gwyneth Paltrow (Shakespeare In Love) won Best Actress and Roberto Benigni (Life Is Beautiful) won Best Actor at the Academy Awards, while Shakespeare In Love was named Best Motion Picture.

* Two movies from spring 1999 that struck a chord: Edge Of Seventeen and Get Real (which I saw two days after moving to Los Angeles).

* Overall, it was kind of depressing and lonely here that first year. I didn't really start to settle in until 2000. But the songs below are the ones that got me through, whether they were singles I bought or jams I simply cranked up on the radio while exploring the City Of Angels.

MY ULTIMATE SPRING/SUMMER 1999 PLAYLIST:




1. "Kiss Me" — Sixpence None The Richer
2. "No Scrubs" —TLC
3. "I Want It That Way" — Backstreet Boys
4. "I Breathe Again" — Adam Rickitt
5. "Angel Of Mine" — Monica
6. "Better Best Forgotten" — Steps
7. "Never Knew Love" — Nightcrawlers
8. "Believe" — Cher
9. "Be The First To Believe" — A1
10. "Viva La Radio" — Lolly
11. "Sometimes" — Britney Spears
12. "Forever" — Tina Cousins
13. "Boom Boom Boom Boom" — Vengaboys
14. "Give It To You" — Jordan Knight
15. "Bailamos" — Enrique Iglesias
16. "Genie In A Bottle" — Christina Aguilera
17. "It's Not Right But It's Okay" — Whitney Houston
18. "The Animal Song" — Savage Garden
19. "That Don't Impress Me Much" — Shania Twain
20. "Bring It All To Me" — Blaque feat. JC Chasez
21. "All 'Bout The Money" — Meja
22. "We Live" — Bosson
23. "So Many Ways" — Ellie Campbell 

Harp-Playing Slut Joanna Newsom Trashes Lady Gaga, Calls Madonna "A Dumb-Ass"

Obnoxious-voiced hag Joanna Newsom is the latest artist (read: slut with a flop album and a harp) to trash Lady Gaga in the Guardian. (Did you catch Grace Jones' barbed comments last month?) But in the process, she also calls Madonna "a dumb-ass" and cheapens the legacy of soul legends the Spice Girls.

Witness the blasphemy, pop chyldren:

"I'm mystified by the laziness of people looking at how [Lady Gaga] presents herself, and somehow assuming that implies there's a high level of intelligence in the songwriting. Her approach to image is really interesting, but you listen to the music, and you just hear glow sticks. Smart outlets for musical journalism give her all this credit, like she's the new Madonna …" She breaks off and laughs. "Although I'm coming from a perspective of also thinking Madonna is not great at all. I'm like, fair enough: she is the new Madonna, but Madonna's a dumb-ass!"

Later, she emails to clarify what she describes as her "late-afternoon dopiness" on this subject: "I may have contradicted myself. My problem isn't actually with Lady Gaga. But there's not much in her music to distinguish it from other glossy, formulaic pop. She just happens to wear slightly weirder outfits than Britney Spears. But they're not that weird – they're mostly just skimpy. She's fully marketing her body/sexuality; she's just doing it while wearing, like, a 'fierce' telephone hair-hat. Her sexuality has no scuzziness, no frank raunchiness, in the way that, say, Peaches, or even Grace Jones, have – she's Arty Spice! And, meanwhile, she seems to take herself so oddly seriously, the way she talks about her music in the third person, like she's Brecht or something. She just makes me miss Cyndi Lauper." And on the subject of Madonna: "I shouldn't have called Madonna a dumb-ass. Her music and she have just gotten so boring to me, this last decade. I think maybe she doesn't hold her money very gracefully, the way some people can't hold their drink. But one thing she is surely not is dumb."

Mind you, this all from the broad who's fucking the guy who sings "I'm On A Boat." Also, bitch—nobody trashes Madonna but me.

Hey—speaking of which...

ALSO SEE:
* Madonna's New Single Is A Hit Somewhere!
* Lady Gaga Again Spanks Madonna
* Madonna: Banterview With The Vampyre
* Lady Gaga: 4, Madonna: 0
* Madonna: Truth In Advertising
* Lady Gaga Renders Xtina Irrelevant (Say Hi To Madonna, Christina!) 
* Lady Gaga Hammers A Giant Stake Into Madonna's Undead Corpse