The
Jonas Akerlund-directed music video for
Britney Spears'
"Hold It Against Me" finally premiered tonight,
smushed in between, of all things, episodes of
Jersey Shore. Welcome to MTV prime time in the new decade, Wigney!
And speaking of wigs, Rugney's was looking quite durable in the vid. Like fiberglass. Or Rubbermaid. Hot stuff.
So anyway, the video! Well, basically Weaveney twirls around on a stage the whole time as always-present, intrusive cameras record her every move. (Because, in case you didn't know, that's
how she lives her entire life!)
There's a bit at the beginning where she's popping and grinding with some hunky dancers, but I couldn't tell if they were cute, despite their Day Glo-colored hair, because I was too busy having a seizure over a.) the unmitigated ferocity of Britney's bullet belt, and 5.) the camera work.
The Wig later ends up donning what looks like the over-sized wedding dress my
Aunt Connie wore to her low rent wedding at the local bingo hall back in '96 (free macaroni, y'all!). But when she starts rising off the ground, we soon realize that—oh, hell no!—Lady SpearSpear is about to shoot more kids out of her Platinum-selling taco stand! HOW did this Immaculate Britception happen?
Oh, wait—she only blows her dancers out of her dress. Meanwhile, looks like Tipsyney's been chugging Jack and playing with the Crayola magic markers again, because now she's gotten the shit all over her hands. Fuckin' Britney!!!!
Now, what's this shit? Lesbianfantasyney has split into two broads, and each is wearing the living room drapes and kicking the other one in the puss-ney! Wait—this is hot! Please, God—LET THERE BE SCISSORNEY!!!!!!!!!
