Cheryl Cole Might Be A Fat Has-Been Someday

Probably the only thing that could further boost Girls Aloud broad Cheryl Cole's profile these days is if she did an entire episode of the X Factor while sitting on fellow judge Dannii Minogue's lap and bounced up and down like an impatient teen stripper eager to tackle the pole for the first time.

Then, and only then, might Cheryl's debut solo single, "Fight For This Love," have sold a tad more. Instead, the tune still sold an impressive 290,000 copies this past week to debut at #1. This also marked the fastest-selling single in the Britain for 2009. (Geez, if only same magic had worked when American Idol judge Paula Abdul was shilling her attempted "comeback" ditties!)

Here's "Fight For This Love":

Not a bad jam overall. But look, baby—Gary Barlow's first two solo singles went to #1, too. Then before you knew it, he was a porked-out wash-up who got chucked into the flop dumpster.

Speaking of which, Whitney Houston jumped up to #5 with "Million Dollar Bill"! But more exciting is Calvin Harris, whose superb "Flashback" debuts at #30 two weeks ahead of its official release.

Yee-horsey!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Fight For This Love" - Cheryl Cole *new* *1 week*
2. "Bad Boys" - Alexandra Burke feat. Flo Rida

3. "Oopsy Daisy" - Chipmunk

4. "Bodies" - Robbie Williams

5. "Million Dollar Bill" - Whitney Houston

6. "Break Your Heart" - Taio Cruz

7. "I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas
8. "Empire State Of Mind" - Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys

9. "Haven't Met You Yet" - Michael Buble
10. "I Got Soul" - Young Soul Rebels *new*