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Friday, December 12, 2008

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2008

Tremble, record industry...tremble in terror! It's time once again for D'luv and MoogaBoo's annual roundup of the worst of what the music biz had to offer this year, as far as pop singles are concerned.

Like what you see? Or think we got it wrong? Yeah, well, kiss our butts.

10. Shontelle, "T-Shirt"

MoogaBoo says: "Hon, singing about Jimmy Choo shoes is like bragging that your boyfriend roughs you up in bed; it's tacky, inappropriate and makes everyone in the room uncomfortable."

9. Sugababes, "Girls"

D'luv says: "Mimicing Amy Winehouse when she's one syringe away from the dirt nap is pretty low-rent at this point. Especially when it's done as poorly as this non-song."

8. Beyoncé, "If I Were a Boy"

MoogaBoo says: "To paraphrase Jackie Washington, I don't know what 'If I Were a Boy' is about—some psychological boo-shit, I guess. Beyoncé's savvy enough to know that songs about smart stuff like gender politics can elevate a singing doll to the next level. But this drag is less convincing than her Etta James wig in Cadillac Records."

7. Vanessa Hudgens, "Sneaker Night"

D'luv says: "Best stick to tit shots on your Sidekick, luv."

6. Madonna & Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes"

MoogaBoo says: "God, these two twats are boring."

5. Mariah Carey, "Bye Bye"

MoogaBoo says: "Mariah said c-ya to the Top Ten with this kitschy funeral dirge. Lucky for us, 'Bye Bye' arrived DOA at radio and was quickly interred."

4. Janet Jackson, "Feedback"

D'luv says: "Yeah, here's some feeback, baby: It's over."

3. Sam Sparro, "21st Century Life"

MoogaBoo says: "People accused Cyndi Lauper of looking like a try-hard in her 'Into the Night Life' video. But at least she didn't resemble an ad for Big Lots the day the shipment of Perez Hilton for Hot Topic arrived."

2. Kid Rock, "All Summer Long"

D'luv says: "Alright, enough with the pandering to mindless American idiots nostalgic for getting plastered in some bimbo's cornfield, already. Hopefully when Bush rolls out of the White House, he drags this hick back to Podunk, Texas with him."

1. Pussycat Dolls
, "When I Grow Up"

D'luv says: "See, girls (and David Archuleta), make sure you stay in school. Because this is what happens when washed-up strippers can't hack it anymore."

ALSO SEE:
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2007
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2006