Ah, poor Jedward. The X Factor dorks were unable to knock synth geek Owl City off the top of the UK chart with their mashup (read: murdering of) "Under Pressure" and "Ice Ice Baby."
But fuck those two. The only X Factor alum I want to hear from is Shayne Ward. And by hear from, I mean him mumbling while half-conscious, shirtless, jeans around the ankles and tied to a tree with an apple in his mouth. (Hey, it's my birthday—let me have some fun!)We're supposedly one month away from Shayne's new single "Oxygen" being released. I'm just glad that the Heidi Range duet rumor isn't true. 'Cause I'd rip that bitch's weave off with a Rototiller like Kelly Clarkson attacking a plate of spaghetti if she tried anything fresh with Shayne.
And screw Simon Cowell for not inviting the hottest piece of tail to grace the X Factor stage to take part in the Helping Haiti "Everybody Hurts" charity single. (Which, by the way, is already #1 on UK iTunes after being added around midnight last night.) He needs to pull his face out of Susan Boyle's matronly she-taco and realize all things entertainment don't begin and end with that warbling broad. They begin and end with Shayne's ass.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Fireflies" - Owl City *3 weeks*
2. "Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)" - Jedward *new*
3. "If We Ever Meet Again" - Timbaland feat. Katy Perry
4. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Glee Cast
5. "Empire State Of Mind (Part II)" - Alicia Keys
6. "Replay" - Iyaz
7. "Starstrukk" - 3OH!3 feat. Katy Perry
8. "One Shot" - JLS
9. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey
10. "Won't Go Quietly" - Example